His instruments

pc: the lovely miss A :)

"I could save them...if only I had my instruments." 

Words spoken by a surgeon, in the wake of a devastating train wreck. 
Words spoken by God, in the wake of the sin that has torn the world apart.

A couple weeks ago I had the privilege of hearing from a well-respected and seasoned missionary to Japan. She began her missionary work in Taiwan, feeling confident of God's calling for her to serve there as a nurse, which was her profession at the time. Of course, God had different plans, and called her to Japan, where the people and needs were quite different. It didn't make sense to her, and she didn't want to go, but out of obedience, she went. And God did work.

She told this story to illustrate. Years ago, in a country far away, a passenger train crashed, leaving many dead or wounded. One man, a surgeon, was one of few who had survived unharmed. As he walked among the remains of the wreck, he came across the conductor of the train, lying on the ground, barely alive. As he knelt down next to him, all he could do was bow his head and mutter under his breath, too quiet for the dying man to hear:

"I could save them...if only I had my instruments."

Tragic, when you think about it. When you can't do the one job you've trained for, just because you weren't properly equipped. And so it is with the God of the Universe. Not that He is ever in any way unprepared, but sometimes when He wants to use us, His instruments, we are nowhere to be found. 

We think we know what's best. We think we know what we should be doing. We think we know how to serve God. But when it comes down to it, and God reaches out to use us, will we be there for him to pick up? It's a pretty scary thought actually, when you realize that what makes sense to you might not be what God intended for you. Like the missionary, who thought she could serve God the best in Taiwan when what God really wanted was for her to go to Japan. And what if she had said no? If she stayed in Taiwan because it just made more sense. What then? 

This week I attended a workshop on how to write a personal statement for applying to professional school. Among the kick-starter questions was this: What are your career aspirations and what has reinforced your interests? And the first thing that popped into my head was, I want to work in healthcare because I want to be a medical missionary. I immediately retracted that thought, reminding myself that this was a professional context and I can't expect write about that...right? And do I even really believe that? Or is it just a cop-out, something that sounds holy and seems to make the most sense, covering up the actual insecurity and doubt that fills my heart when I think about the future? Yeah. That. And the worst part is, what if this isn't even what God wants me to do? What if His plan is different from mine? 

Ahhhh *cue panicking*

Oh. Wait. God's plan. God's plan? Like God, the ruler of the universe, who gives breath to every living thing, that God? Who deemed me worthy to die for and who knows me better than I know myself? His plan? Oh. OH. YES PLEASE. I want that. Whatever it may be. Because I know that He will never let me down. I would so much more rather be following Him to places unknown than trying to pave my own way where I think is safe. If I'm to be His instrument, I'd better be where He wants me to be. 

I look at my life and I'm still at a loss. Don't know what I'm preparing for, don't know where I'm headed. And that's okay. Because it's not mine. It belongs to someone who knows so much better than me how to live it.

"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." -Proverbs 16:3

No fear.
-M